The idea of sex being painful the first time is a complete myth.The problem is that so many young women believe this that when they do have sex they do find it painful because they believe it would be, it's a vicious circle as when women believe it will be painful it often is because they are so worried about the pain their vagina isn't relaxed enough for sex, so they then tell other women that the myth is correct. Your vagina is naturally stretchy, when aroused it doubles in width and length as well as produces lubrication to make it easier for the penis to go in, your vagina is stretchy enough to let a whole baby pass through when a woman gives birth, so a penis has no trouble getting in. If however you are not aroused, for example if you are having sex with someone before you are ready so more nervous and uncomfortable than aroused, then your vagina will not stretch and you will not have the lubrication needed, in fact the muscles in your vagina may become tight so when the penis goes in it forces against your muscles and stretches you unnaturally than can irritate you or even tear your vagina. Another example of this is if there is not enough nsex before penetration, only around 30% of women orgasm during penetrative sex, often penetration alone is just not enough to get a woman going, our bodies just aren't made that way, we need other stimulation through touching and licking of the rest of our bodies and in particular our clitoris, ideally you should have a lot of sex (foreplay) before penetrative sex (penis going into vagina), even better if you reach orgasm, that way you know your vagina is relaxed, enlarged and lubricated enough for penetration.A good partner, no matter how big, should be able to make sure you are aroused enough for penetration - if it does hurt then don't just ignore the pain, stop and try again at a different time, no reason to put yourself through pain!A lot of women have sex long before they are physically or emotionally ready so a lot of them do find sex is painful and so this idea they have about sex being painful, that they already thought was true because so many people believe it to be true, is validated as they find it did hurt them so think this is normal and often don't find out this isn't the case until they are much older, putting themselves in pain when they don't need to.Sometimes sex the first time can be painful because of the hymen breaking - this is a thin layer of skin that most girls have partly covering the opening to their vagina - this is often broken when there is penetration from penis, tampons, fingers or other objects, in fact it can be broken from certain activities such as horseriding or some girls may never have a hymen. The hymen can be stretched or broken during the first few times having sex, but it is as likely to be painful as it is to be not noticed at all or it can even be very pleasurable - it's different for everyone.Using tampons makes no real difference, if you use tampons or other internal menstrual options like sponges or menstrual cups then they could have already broken the hymen, it would also suggest you have no problem with penetration - some women have a condition called dyspareunia, where the muscles in the vagina tighten on penetration rather than relax, normally this is a mental issue rather than a physical health problem - as if you can use tampons without pain then there is nothing to say penetration is a problem for you.
You, like many other girls and women, need to get the idea of loosing your virginity being painful out of your head or else it could very well make it painful, pain is your bodies way of telling you that something is wrong, as long as you are mentally, emotionally and physically ready for sex there are very few reasons for it being painful, sex is an enjoyable experience and this myth of painful sex for the first time is often either a result of peoples ignorance about sex or female anatomy or down to social ideas about wha
Answered by
ayisha
, an ibibo Master,
at
9:51 PM on January 25, 2008
